HOMIE HOPPING IS STRICTLY FOR THE GIRLS
Alright, so who's first?
One thing about me? I’m a homie hopper.
A real fuck his friends enthusiast.
A true connoisseur of the communal charcuterie.
Don’t hate the player my love, hate the game.
And the game is as follows:
For better or for worse, men do not take their friendships with other men into consideration when it comes to the pursuit of some pussy. Men will Judas Iscariot a true friend, Marcus Junius Brutus a real homie, Benedict Arnold their best man - at even the mere prospect of getting some pussy. Men will lie, cheat, and steal from their closest friends just to gain access to women who would otherwise be unattainable to them. Men will use their friendships with other men just to leverage themselves in the eyes of women. Men will lie in my silk sheets just to divulge wildly personal and incriminating information about the same guys they were just dapping up at the function and calling “brother” a few hours ago.
Due to their skewed concept of what a friend and/or friendship is, men cannot successfully homie hop through groups of women with the same dexterity and ease that women are able to homie hop through groups of men. Men do not see or understand human connection and therefore cannot effectively nor strategically navigate complex social webs in a way that will provide maximum yield with least harm caused.
How can you run the route if you can’t even read the map?
Men’s incommunicative, selfish, and competitive nature leaves them without any real playbook on what a halfway decent Bro Code might actually look like. They often have a hard time wrapping their heads around why they were just turned down and humiliated by one of my friends - meanwhile I’m already sat on the lap of one of his friends and whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
Men cannot fathom any kind of limitations being imposed on their potential for sex - much less limitations imposed by women for other women (such as: we will not fuck men who already went out with our friends and treated them like shit). Most girl friends I know have some kind of boundaries in place and they would never consider entertaining the past fling of one of their friends unless certain discussions were had or circumstances were in place. Personally, I cannot imagine any one of my girlfriends ever being attracted to (physically or emotionally) any man that I had already crashed and burned with. On the most basic and superficial level; I like tall dark and handsome types, whereas my besties are drawn to the half dead hollow looking types - so good luck getting us to agree on a man that is even worth looking at in the first place, let alone worth pursuing. The characteristics that I look for in a sexual partner are often invisible or even detestable in the eyes of my friends. Biologically, women tend to be slightly more selective with their sexual partners - whereas men will just run blindly and indiscriminately, cock first, in the direction of the next warm hole. They are at a natural weakness/disadvantage in groups of women from the start.
Not porking people that your friends have already passed over may seem like a fairly standard boundary to have in your circle, yet men do not follow this same line of thinking this when it comes to the women that their friends have pursued/are pursuing. They do not consider the significance that the woman may have held in the life of their friend (because they do not consider women to hold significance), nor do they consider any icks or oddities that their friends may have shared about the woman intimately. Instead, they will eagerly fuck anything (raw) that moves and then deal with the consequences later on (and only if they are forced).
If there are no boundaries between men in place, how can I “cross” them by throwing it back on his homie homie less than 24 hours after I threw it back on him? If men aren’t having these discussions then how do they see it fit to feign moral outrage when I start tongue kissing his friend or his brother the minute he looks the other way? If men do not respect the sanctity of their friendships enough to have these conversations - then why the hell should I?
Now step aside so I can get a better look at your friend with the full lips and long eyelashes.
I would be eager to be presented with one single respectable man that is enough of a Casanova to enrapture multiple women of the same circle. I emphasize the word respectable because often times, the only way that men are able to homie hop through groups of women is through pathological lying, gaslighting, and manipulation. I want to see a man who can conquer me and my friends with his charm, wit, and lethal face card alone.
In my lifetime, I can confidently say I have never once had a girl friend who had a hookup or partner that I was envious of. Someone I was willing to lie, cheat, steal, betray, and badmouth her in order to gain access to. There have been no crossovers in my life. There have never been any close calls or confusion with any of my friends. In fact, I can’t even recall a time where I have pointed out a man and had a friend say anything other than something along the lines of “well…you certainly have a type that is vey good for…you…”. Our venn diagrams have never been anything but completely separate circles. I do not believe in a man that is extraordinary enough to exist at the intersection of us all.
And HEY! Trust me pal! You are not that guy!
In addition to not understanding the boundaries that women establish out of respect and solidarity with one another, men truly have no grasp of the infinite cruelty that is summoned when women gather. They are fully unaware of the fact that by the time they have met/fucked/ghosted a woman, they have already been spit roasted by the group chat thrice over. The girls have already wiped the floor with every accolade he has ever claimed was worth a god damn. He has been wholly eviscerated from the inside out, and would lie awake at night and wrestle with unrelenting suicidal thoughts if he were to ever truly know all the ways in which his personhood has been so thoroughly desecrated. The girls don’t even know his real name, they only know him by some ick or embarrassing characteristic that was assigned to him at the debriefing (ex: “tank top”, “tight pants”, “one ball”, “dead tooth”, “guy who littered”, “). He has already been photoshopped into compromising positions, and flyers about the way he eats pussy like it’s corn on the cob have already been distributed in every women’s bar bathroom within a 4 km radius. There is no redemption arc for him, no victorious comeback. Trying to make a pass at any one of my friends is akin to the village idiot babbling to himself while locked in the pillory. A laughing stock. A court jester. A clumsy gorilla in a tophat.
Homie hopping is for the girls.
Because I could step into a room full of a man’s friends and easily fuck every single one of them, meanwhile he could never even dream of stepping nary the toe of a scaly scalloped foot into a room where all my friends were and not being met with some form of abuse. Expeditiously.
Recently, news broke about the loneliness epidemic that is currently plaguing men. It concluded that the majority of men admit to finding themselves without any close male friendships or camaraderie - and their collective mental health is suffering greatly because of it. They are lacking support and community which is resulting in self esteem issues that are turning violent toward themselves and others.
In addition to feeling excluded and unsupported by other men, men often complain that women also do not do enough when it comes to helping to uphold their mental health - and let be known here and now that this is blatantly untrue.
The truth is actually that men are too proud and too insecure to consider all the ways that their mental health could be benefitted by the women around them…
Similar to all things, homie hopping is nuanced. There are different dynamics, levels to this shit. Not all homie hopping is born of secrecy or spite. In fact, the best kind of homie hopping is done completely the opposite; right out in the open.
I’m referring to, of course, those very special men that allow me to expedite the inevitable process of conquering the horde and don’t mind kissing their bros on the lips while they tag team me on a balcony over the Paseo Maritimo. The men that don’t mind having their rock hard dicks out next to their boys and making eye contact as they all bust a nut (shoutout to the Italians). These are the top tier of emotionally connected and developed men.
It has been scientifically proven (by me - and I have done multiple studies) that homie hopping brings men closer. It gives them something to have in common with other men. It provides a strong foundation that they can build real intimate relationships off of. Men wonder why they are depressed and lonely - yet when they feel disconnected, how many of them consider calling up their homies with the big beautiful brown eyes and asking them if they all want to get together and come kiss on different parts of my body? By fucking the entire friend group at once vs. fucking men individually, a woman becomes the leader in facilitating a very intimate male bonding experience.
Fucking the entire friend group:
is an exercise in teamwork where everyone is working in harmony toward a common goal.
creates an environment for men to sow cooperation and trust amongst themselves.
gives men a place to be naked and vulnerable together.
heals damage between male bonds.
restores intimacy in male friendships.
reconciles the shattered spirit of male camaraderie.
To share is to care.
Screwing him and all his friends at once does more for men’s mental health than anything that men currently know how to do for themselves or for each other.
To anyone with the urge to besiege me with the tired and elementary cries of slut and whore, I pose unto you the following question; What have you done lately for the benefit of men’s mental health? What have you done to combat the loneliness epidemic that is ravaging hot guys far and wide? What environments have you created betwixt men that foster both unity and intimacy? I’ll wait.
Men tend to naturally gravitate toward being jealous and possessive because they are weak and slaves to their insecurities. Only those who are truly enlightened understand that the key to happiness and fraternity comes from a woman fucking their entire friend group.
"the half dead hollow looking types" I don't have anything intelligent to add to this one, just cracking the fuck up every other line. Hearing women who find men attractive describe what they look for in a man will never not have me equal parts intrigued and deeply horrified. Thoughts and prayers to all of you.
WLW describing their type: omg shes got the most enchanting smile and 42 hobbies I've never even heard about, her hair reminds of that painting of venus, she always smells like a sunrise or soft rain.
Women into men: idk hes just kinda dead behind the eyes. Got that victorian orphan who works in the mines vibe. He doesn't even smoke but always smells like his walls are yellow. I try not to think about his nails but his hair is...I mean it works for him ya know?
Also fully loving the artworks and photos chosen here ⚡️