MEN WHO CARE ABOUT A WOMAN'S 'BODY COUNT' ARE BAD AT SEX AND FUCKING HATE THEMSELVES
Way to tell on yourself, jackass.
Before we begin, know this; I’m not here to dissect the ins and outs of why some women choose to sleep around more than others. I’m not here to define what it means to be a ‘slut’, nor to tell you that that’s the best and only way to empower yourself sexually. I’m not here to shame nor praise you for however you are deciding to wield your sexuality. I don’t feel that any of that is at all relevant to the conversation when discussing how sexually active women are perceived, and as a result, how they are treated within our society. I’m moving swiftly past all of the inward contemplation to reach what I feel is the real driver behind the whole obsession with policing women’s ‘body count’.
This isn’t a piece about self love, self respect, or self acceptance - it’s about how ‘body count’ only ‘matters’ because men are really bad at having sex and are horrified of women having enough experience to realize that.
GOD DAMMIT BOYS, WE GOT ‘EM!
AMIRITE FELLAS?
Siiiiick fucking analogy dudes.
You’re all really onto something here.
But for real; How many of us have heard this line and have had the knee-jerk reaction to become immediately disgusted/enraged at the comparison of our bodies to a “useless lock”?
PRO TIP: Do NOT engage! This is a diversion! A trap!
We as women tend to get so caught up on the “useless lock” part of the comparison that we allow the other part of it to remain completely unchallenged - and I just cannot continue to let that slide. What I’m referring to, of course, is the fact that men are out here in the open referring to themselves as a ‘master key’.
Whenever a man whips this one out, I already know that whatever is about to follow it is going to be the most grandiose, ridiculous, and nonsensical misogynistic diatribe I’ve ever heard in my life. Not to mention it’s going to be wildly unoriginal, some half baked shit Andrew Taint said three months ago that he’s had latent in the chamber for awhile now just waiting to let out. Tell me why it took me just a little under 3 minutes to find all of the above comments on the same social media post? Cool circle jerk you fucking losers, you are all so authentic and imaginative with such an articulate and original analogy.
Frankly, the audacious delusions of grandeur are the most offensive part about this whole lock/key comparison. If we want to stick to the subject of men as good/special/masterful ‘keys’, then maybe one of you slackjawed shitgoblins can explain to me in what world are men the key to anything? Because it certainly isn’t this one - and the one you’ve created in your head doesn’t count either. What the fuck does any man have the power to ‘unlock’ in THIS world besides fear, division, violence, war, genocide, assault, and weaponized religion? Oh, great architects and masters of the universe! Bestow upon this world all of the knowledge that you have ‘unlocked’ from screwing the women around you! The fucking idiots couldn’t ‘unlock’ a shoelace tied in a double knot. Men aren’t masters of jackshit else besides shameless masturbatory ego inflation and embarrassing themselves.
I have regrettably been engaging in (predominantly) heterosexual behavior for my entire life. Most of us are familiar with the fact that I’ve fucked what may be considered probably more than a few men. I’m willing to bet that I’ve fucked more men than any man has who wants to sit here and try to argue with me over what I’m about to say.
Brothers, one things fa sho and two things are for certain; my salami samplings transcend all races, ethnicities, nationalities, religions, heights, and weights. I have spread my legs across both the Prime Meridian and the Equator. And because of all of that experience, I can safely draw enough conclusion to tell you this; sex with the majority of men is contrived, robotic, and lacking any sort of deeper or meaningful connection. It consists of being subjected to a monotonous sequence of trial and error - which is just him trying to replicate what he sees in porn. Men will watch lubed up women fake orgasms on the internet all day everyday and then go and try to lay those same moves down thinking that they are really about their business - meanwhile the pussy is dryer and more chapped up than his bottom lip. Men cannot be bothered to tell the difference between when a woman is aroused and when she’s not - and they’re all hoping that women can’t tell the difference in themselves either. As far as he’s concerned, there’s an available hole and spit works just fine in a pinch. Pleasure is not a man’s main objective during sex - his main objective is to use the vessel as an object to extract his load. Everything else is just ‘feminist propaganda’.
So, if a man in all of his anticlimactic and mind numbing futility can be considered a ‘master key’ to the world - then I’m no lock, I’m a Crescent H.K. Porter 24" PowerPivot™ Center Cut Double Compound Action Bolt Cutter.
Aaaaaand cue the
“yOu’Re jUst fUckIng thE wRonG gUys!”
“yOu’Re fUcking bOys - nOt meN!”
choir:
Since the rising popularity of videoclip based content on social media, there is a certain type of video that, for whatever reason, keeps finding its way into my algorithm. You know, those videos where the ugliest man you’ve ever seen in your life is out on the street and he’ll stick a tiny microphone in a drunk or otherwise unsuspecting woman’s face and ask her “what’s your body count?” (the ‘lock/key’ comments in the above section were pulled from a YouTube video within this genre. I will not link ya’ll because I refuse to give these cheeseballs anymore views. I have no doubt that if you scroll on TikTok or Instagram long enough you will inevitably come across such a video). Its really groundbreaking and hard hitting stuff.
Yet, the actual worst part of these videos isn’t even the head to toe fully Supreme-clad troglodyte of a man shown trolling in the streets - it’s the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen that assembles out of nowhere in the comment section and asks you to do math homework.
OK Einsteins, if ya’ll love math so much then why don’t you ratio how many women you’ve fucked to how many women you’ve actually made cum? E=MenCantfuck².
Men brag about being ‘good keys’, about being ‘masters’, about how they’ve fucked X number of girls and are therefore entitled to a certain social status. Soooo then why do they still fuck like….that? Still playing hide and seek with the clitoris, still thinking the female orgasm is a ‘myth’ or only valid if she ‘squirts’, still only knowing how to throw backshots and hit missionary, still playing turntables with her inner thigh? If anything, men should stay with this math theme and start halving the number of women they claim to have had sex with because the alleged input does not at all reflect the actual output. Idly masturbating inside a woman’s body with no regard for her pleasure doesn’t make a man good at sex - but men of all people know that it’s a hell of a lot easier to just be fucking terrible at something and then say you’re good at it anyways. Or better yet, a ‘Master’. So instead of working to better themselves, discuss pleasure with partners, and explore women’s bodies as living and breathing beings - why not just shame women out of even having sex in the first place?
A sexually active and liberated woman is the embodiment of everything a man hates. She is a witness, a world of context - context that she might then use to shape her perspective of him. We have witnessed the way that men are only able to validate their masculinity through the ways in which they are able to shame, manipulate, overpower, and oppress women into submission. A woman who freely sleeps around is likely unburdened by shame and therefore cannot be as easily manipulated into submission. Men hate this. The thought of women engaging in casual sex with someone other than them is the bane of their existence. This is because that through experience comes knowledge. Knowledge gives women the power over a man to criticize and compare him, therefore gives women the power to validate or invalidate his masculinity. No woman asked for the responsibility of having to “make a man feel like a man”, but since men don’t know how to base their egos on anything else except to what extent they can oppress and control others - we are all now supposed to adhere to a very rigid idea of what’s not only expected, but acceptable, within the scope of a woman’s sexuality. A mixture of self awareness and self loathing coupled with rampant insecurity and fear of being judged/compared make the idea of a woman with a ‘high’ body count a slippery slope for any man to traverse.
Slut shaming and purity culture was created by men only as a means to isolate and back women into a corner so that they lack enough of the proper context to criticize mens’ sexual (and all around) ineptitude as it should be criticized - thoroughly and without mercy.
It has always been interesting to me that while some men don’t have an issue with sleeping with women who have a ‘high’ body count - those same men do have an issue when it comes to the idea of being in a relationship with a woman with a ‘high’ body count. This is not seen as a desirable quality in a girlfriend or a wife. Men aren’t ready or willing to be committed to someone with a comparable level of power (or any level of power at all) in their sexuality. It would be far too challenging and would fail to provide his ego with the proper nutrients.
It’s a never ending WWE RAW Smackdown between the madonna/whore complex vs all men - and the madonna/whore complex has been relentlessly choke slamming these dudes into the ground every single day of their lives.
The concern with a woman’s number of sexual partners is directly correlated to the level of a man’s self esteem and self assurance. Only men who are wildly insecure about themselves and their sexual prowess would ever harbor enough concern to even entertain raising the question to their partner about her history. A man who is confident and sure of himself would not be concerned with what a woman has experienced before him, because he knows what he actually (not theoretically) brings to the table. Confident men are not concerned with “competing” where they know they cannot be compared. I can absolutely say that the men who were the least concerned with my sexual history have made the best lovers. There is a world of change that happens within a man when he decides to focus on your body as a living being in the present moment instead of swimming in a sea of self hate because he’s busy thinking about and comparing himself to other men when you are together.
I, unlike so many men, prefer to participate in safe, clean, and wholly consensual sex. It’s so incredibly bold of men to call any woman ‘dirty’ for fucking X number of people when they all know god damn well what their prerogative is behind closed doors.
I’ve seen men perform a three act contemporary theatre play from start to finish chronicling all the reasons why they shouldn’t have to wear a condom.
I’ve had men put on condoms with the lights on and then remove them in the dark behind my back.
I swear I’ve seen a grown man, butt naked except for his blue Scooby-Doo ankle socks, shed a tear while bowing his head in defeat to that small square foil wrapper.
There’s always this that or the other reason why letting him fuck me raw and busting on my stomach is better for us both.
I can say with 100% unyielding certainty that before attempting to stick his raw dick inside of my body, not a single man has ever once asked me about my health history - only about my current contraceptive methods. I have incessantly been asked “are you on the pill?” and NEVER ONCE have I been asked “when was your last checkup?”. All of the dudes using the “I’m concerned with high body count because of the risk of STI’s” as a crutch for their low level of self esteem and high level of misogyny can fuck off straight to hell because I wouldn’t be surprised to see a single one of them stick his dick in the sawed off end of a septic pipe if they knew for sure that no one would get pregnant.
Sir, your hypotheticals are hypocritical and your breath stinks. You haven’t washed the crack of your ass since the last full moon. Why do your balls smell like hot potato salad with raisins? When was the last time YOU pissed in a cup at the clinic and had the doctor stick his gloved finger up your asshole to see if everything was in check? Don’t get it twisted; men have absolutely zero authority to dictate the standard of hygiene in any regard or on any subject at all whatsoever.
All evidence points to only one single truth that no one seems to want to say out loud; men are only disgusted by sexually active women because they are disgusted by themselves. I have yet to see a single man follow up these ‘body count’ conversations by asking the obvious question: if a woman is considered ‘dirty’ after she has been touched by a man - what does that say about his hands? Men, whether consciously or subconsciously, know and see themselves as rancid and feculent. Because why else and how else could a woman be considered ‘soiled’ after he has touched her? Things don’t just become filthy with no prior exposure to something that contains filth. Only hands tainted with grime and shit could stand to ‘mark’ any woman as ‘dirty’. Men are disgusted by themselves and therefore, by proxy, are disgusted by those of us who allow them to touch our bodies. Men are sickened by the shit on our shoes without realizing that they are the very steaming shitpiles that we are stepping in.
*Author’s note: I would quickly like to address the “body count hurts men too because they are expected to sleep with a lot of women in order to be considered a ‘man’” crowd. First and foremost, this article is not about the body count of men - it’s about that of women. I assume that you are literate because you made it this far, so maybe go and write your own article about that because that’s not what I intend to discuss - now or ever. Additionally, whatever pressure has been put on men to perform or act a certain way in order to be ‘accepted’ has only ever been implemented and enforced by none other then, you guessed it, other men! I will not spend a single moment of my life empathizing and deconstructing a problem that men have created by themselves for themselves. Ya’ll can crack and suffer under that pressure I really don’t give a shit. Maybe men should have shut the fuck up all those years ago when they first decided that this body count shit was ‘important’, but they didn’t and now they’re all bald at 21 years old because they are so stressed out about who is fucking who and who is not. As far as I’m concerned, men could do with a lot more humbling at the hands of their own carefully crafted double standards. Bon appetit assholes.
In my research I found this groovy little tool that lets you know how much more of a slut you are than your peers. Plug in your info and find out how you stack up.
As always, you brilliantly fuckin hit it. Men are disgusting ones. The majority of women who are "prone to yeast infections" aren't prone to shit, it's purely because men are unclean and have nasty filthy dicks. I know so many women who the second they stop fucking men? No more yeast infections. As always men are forever the start and finish of the problem, but lay their guilt on women anyway. It's not women having sex that's disgusting and/or dangerous, it's men. Always has been always will be.
Also the master key bit cracks me the fuck up, they can't even cook for themselves or regulate their own emotions but they're master keys?? Yeah babes okay, whatever makes your piss caked cheeto dusted penis easier to sleep with I guess, knock yourselves out with that 😂 Maybe y'all could master your own emotions first though...just a thought.
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT IMMACULATE AND VALIDATED.